[Another wince. She's still on edge even when he starts speaking softly, but...
Slowly, warily... she begins to relax, little by little, bit by bit.]
I-- I just...
I didn't want to hurt anyone. B-but then I h-hurt... I k-killed a friend, and--
E-everyone hurts so much already... I d-don't want to make them h-hurt more. I never--
[...wanted to hurt anyone. But all of this emotion is beginning to take its toll on her, and slowly, she begins to sink to the ground, still unable to hold back the sobbing, the tears.
It's too much. It's too painful. It feels like her heart is being torn apart.]
[Hamel, on his end, recoils when he sees her reaction. Every time he opens his mouth, he just makes things worse.
So even though Hibiki relax eventually, he still keeps his distance, eyes averted and shoulders slightly hunched. He doesn’t respond when she speaks again, instead reverting to the silence, like he always does. He shouldn’t have tried this talking thing, he should’ve just kept his mouth shut. Things don’t get better when you keep quiet but they don’t get worse, either… ignore everything long enough and eventually it will go away on its own…
Then Hibiki breaks down.
It hits too close to home. The circumstances might be very different - and thank god for that - but Hamel knows exactly how she feels. The crushing guilt, the realization you brought so much pain to people, you never wanted to but it happens and it eats you alive… he couldn’t stop crying after Anthem, too.
If only he could make it better, but he can’t. Words, honest words, don’t come easy to him. He will just end up scaring her again. Maybe he should just let her cry, let it all out; but he can’t just stand there like an idiot when she cries. It’d be best if he leaves - he’s already told her he isn’t angry and that’s enough. It will sink in once she stops crying. Yes, he should simply walk out the door without another word…
He doesn’t. Instead, he sits down on the floor next to Hibiki.]
I know.
[Hamel holds out a hand to ruffle her hair. It’s very gentle and hesitant - ready to pull back if she flinches again.]
[Maybe that's all she needed. Acceptance, followed by a comforting hand.
The sobs don't cease - not even close. But she does end up leaning onto his side, curled up and miserable, but clinging still.
Nothing about this is okay. It's wrong, it's so wrong, and it hurts, the wrongness of it, to say nothing of the physical pain it brought. But he's still here, and he's still trying to comfort her, and that soft feeling of a hand on her head...
It reminds her of warmer times, when she would make a mistake and bawl her eyes out until there were no more tears to be shed. And so, here she is, doing that very same thing, even if the mistake in question had been far worse than any she had committed at home. And until the tears run dry, or Hamel decides to leave, there she will stay.]
[It’s weird, her clinging to him. Not like in the mirror world. As rare as they may be, Hamel is definitely capable of kind physical gestures, but they’re always brief - a hair ruffle, wiping tears off. But to keep sitting there and let someone cry on his shoulder… it’s not exactly awkward, but he can’t think of a better word. He isn’t used to it.
But he doesn’t leave, he won’t shake her off when she’s so miserable. As long as Hibiki leans onto him, he will stay and give her a shoulder to cry on.]
[It takes a while - this is a girl who annoyed many people for crying so much, after all. But they do eventually slow to a trickle, and although she still shakes, it's now because of the large hiccups that were triggered by all of those tears.]
'M... S-sorry.
[She slowly lets go, her voice tired and stuffy. He... had to wait quite a while for her to stop, huh?]
[She accepts the handkerchief, attempting to clean herself up a bit.]
Th-this is the s-- second time. Sorry you always ha-- ve to see me like this.
[And always after hurting him, too. She still feels pretty terrible about it all, but the crying seems to have helped get the bottled up feelings out, at least.]
[He stops immediately; Not because he’s worried about using obscene words around a kid, but because he has try his best to be patient. Not to let his temper to scare her again.]
Just a handkerchief. It’s not that hard to get another one, so don’t bother yourself with laundry.
[After a moment, he adds:]
You can drop by, but only if you want and definitely not to give back the handkerchief.
Her head dips sadly. He keeps doing so many nice things for her despite everything she's inflicted on him. And now she can't even do something in return...?]
...O-okay. I'll keep it.
[The least she can do is take as best care of the handkerchief as possible.]
[Hamel sighs internally. What did he say wrong now? Maybe he should just stop trying to be kind. Being a cold unsympathetic asshole, that’s what he’s good at, he should stick to that.
But maybe not at this exact moment.]
Good.
[He gets to his feet.]
Should probably get going. Cheer up, your face will be stuck like this if you keep frowning.
[Realizing her mistake, she slaps a hand over her mouth. But of course it's too late now, and the action only gets in the way when she tries to say good-bye, causing her words to be delayed.]
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Slowly, warily... she begins to relax, little by little, bit by bit.]
I-- I just...
I didn't want to hurt anyone. B-but then I h-hurt... I k-killed a friend, and--
E-everyone hurts so much already... I d-don't want to make them h-hurt more. I never--
[...wanted to hurt anyone. But all of this emotion is beginning to take its toll on her, and slowly, she begins to sink to the ground, still unable to hold back the sobbing, the tears.
It's too much. It's too painful. It feels like her heart is being torn apart.]
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So even though Hibiki relax eventually, he still keeps his distance, eyes averted and shoulders slightly hunched. He doesn’t respond when she speaks again, instead reverting to the silence, like he always does. He shouldn’t have tried this talking thing, he should’ve just kept his mouth shut. Things don’t get better when you keep quiet but they don’t get worse, either… ignore everything long enough and eventually it will go away on its own…
Then Hibiki breaks down.
It hits too close to home. The circumstances might be very different - and thank god for that - but Hamel knows exactly how she feels. The crushing guilt, the realization you brought so much pain to people, you never wanted to but it happens and it eats you alive… he couldn’t stop crying after Anthem, too.
If only he could make it better, but he can’t. Words, honest words, don’t come easy to him. He will just end up scaring her again. Maybe he should just let her cry, let it all out; but he can’t just stand there like an idiot when she cries. It’d be best if he leaves - he’s already told her he isn’t angry and that’s enough. It will sink in once she stops crying. Yes, he should simply walk out the door without another word…
He doesn’t. Instead, he sits down on the floor next to Hibiki.]
I know.
[Hamel holds out a hand to ruffle her hair. It’s very gentle and hesitant - ready to pull back if she flinches again.]
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The sobs don't cease - not even close. But she does end up leaning onto his side, curled up and miserable, but clinging still.
Nothing about this is okay. It's wrong, it's so wrong, and it hurts, the wrongness of it, to say nothing of the physical pain it brought. But he's still here, and he's still trying to comfort her, and that soft feeling of a hand on her head...
It reminds her of warmer times, when she would make a mistake and bawl her eyes out until there were no more tears to be shed. And so, here she is, doing that very same thing, even if the mistake in question had been far worse than any she had committed at home. And until the tears run dry, or Hamel decides to leave, there she will stay.]
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But he doesn’t leave, he won’t shake her off when she’s so miserable. As long as Hibiki leans onto him, he will stay and give her a shoulder to cry on.]
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'M... S-sorry.
[She slowly lets go, her voice tired and stuffy. He... had to wait quite a while for her to stop, huh?]
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It’s fine.
[He offers her a handkerchief.]
There, you sound kinda snively.
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Th-this is the s-- second time. Sorry you always ha-- ve to see me like this.
[And always after hurting him, too. She still feels pretty terrible about it all, but the crying seems to have helped get the bottled up feelings out, at least.]
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What did I tell you about apologizing for every little thing? It’s fine.
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[She's still trying to rub the last of the tears away, determined to stop. But there's not much she can do about the hiccups, unfortunately.]
...Th-thank you. [For always being so kind to her at these times...]
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[In fact, his tone implies that what’s annoying is Hibiki saying bad things about herself.]
But, you’re welcome.
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...
It's kind of dirty now...]
Um... I'm so-- [Oops, apologies again.] --I mean, I can wash this for you.
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Handkerchiefs are meant to get dirty. You can keep it if you want.
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[He stops immediately; Not because he’s worried about using obscene words around a kid, but because he has try his best to be patient. Not to let his temper to scare her again.]
Just a handkerchief. It’s not that hard to get another one, so don’t bother yourself with laundry.
[After a moment, he adds:]
You can drop by, but only if you want and definitely not to give back the handkerchief.
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[How is she supposed to return it to you then-?]
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He huffs.]
I don't need it back so just accept it.
[It's a matter of principal now. What's your problem why're you feeling bad for getting a handkercheif dirty stop being so nice.]
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Her head dips sadly. He keeps doing so many nice things for her despite everything she's inflicted on him. And now she can't even do something in return...?]
...O-okay. I'll keep it.
[The least she can do is take as best care of the handkerchief as possible.]
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But maybe not at this exact moment.]
Good.
[He gets to his feet.]
Should probably get going. Cheer up, your face will be stuck like this if you keep frowning.
[Says the perpetual frowner.]
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S-- Stuck?
[But as he is in the middle of leaving, she gives a quick nod.]
M-mm... Sorry for taking so much of your time.
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Y’know, I’m starting to think you’re doing it on purpose. Apology denied.
[But he smirks.]
I never spend time on anything I don’t want to. See ya around, Hibiki.
[And with a last wave, he’s out.]
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[Realizing her mistake, she slaps a hand over her mouth. But of course it's too late now, and the action only gets in the way when she tries to say good-bye, causing her words to be delayed.]
Mm-- Good-bye!