saving_sound | IC CONTACT

[Technically, he could’ve done it right after Baldr fixed things. But he told himself she must be exhausted, it won’t be good to talk on a late hour, so soon after...

If Hamel was completely honest, he’d admit he didn’t think of Hibiki, he thought about himself. He couldn’t bring himself to face her. But even Hamel’s selfishness has its limit. He knows this guilt all too well; the poor kid must feel awful and she doesn’t deserve it. So two days later, in the morning, he sucks it up and texts Hibiki.]

I’m coming over.

[A short while after, he’s knocking on the condo’s door.]

Hibiki, open up.

[She's terrified.

She knew she would have to meet him, of course. She has to apologize, even if no apology would ever be enough. But at the same time...

She's scared. He must hate her, and he has every reason to.]

C--

Coming...

[Her voice is timid, cracking. And while she does begin to walk to the door, her steps are faltering.

Deep breath. She has to face him now.

Slowly, she opens the door, peering up at him with trepidation.]

[She sounds so scared. Hamel remembers how she was in the mirror world, and this must be ten times worse for her. He must ease her concern, let her know that it’s alright, he doesn’t blame her…

But the moment the door cracks open and he sees her face, Hamel knows he can’t. He’s too involved in this, it hits too close to home for him to drop the attitude. So he deals with the unease the only way he knows -- amping up the jerk.

He doesn’t wait for Hibiki to let him in. Instead, he throws the door wide open and enters like he owns the place. He pretends to look around and examine the house, but he doesn’t really see it; he's just buying time so he won’t have to look at her. He should say something, break the tension. But what…

He turns around to face Hibiki, arms crossed, his face a mask.]

How’s your hamster.

[Good job, Hamel.]

[She stumbles back in surprise, nearly clinging to the wall for support. He's mad, he's so mad, what is she going to do...?

But then he asks a question that's so out of the left field, it takes her a moment to fully register it.

Her hamster...?]

H-he's... doing better...?

...good.

[He looks around some more, tapping his foot. A small sigh escapes him and his expression softens, though only for a moment. The mask of indifference is back soon enough.]

Look - [More aggressive than he meant. He shakes his head and tries again.] you don’t have to be so - [Scared.]

I don’t blame you… it’s -

[Okay? Yeah, right. He knows it’s not okay, not for her. A stock phrase, saying it feels so empty.]

Damn. I’m fine. I’m not angry, so… loosen up a little.

[She still flinches - aggressive indeed. But...

He isn't... angry...?]

B-but... I--

I killed you...!

[He went through so much pain, and all because of her. He should be angry. She deserves it.]

Well, yeah. But I came back just fine, so...

[He shrugs.]

Everyone’s powers were going out of control. It’s not your fault.

It's not fine!

B-because of me... you had to suffer so much...!

[He should be mad. Why isn't he mad at her?]

[Hamel clenches a fist and… taps her head lightly.]

Hey.

[He twists his hand, giving Hibiki a (gentle) noogie.]

Stop that. It’s not because of you. Whatever caused it, it wasn’t you.

[Yes, he’s mad; mad at whatever corrupted their powers, mad at Baldr who got off his ass to fix it only after all hell broke loose, at everything that involved this kind little girl in the mess. He might’ve been in physical pain but she suffers so much more, she doesn’t deserve it. She shouldn't go through it.]

Wah-!

[She flinches in surprise at the tap, and again at the noogie. She's trembling slightly again, she can't quite help it.]

B-but I still...

[It comes out as a shaky whisper.]

N-no one... gets mad here.

[It took so little to anger the people back home. So why...]

H-how come... nobody ever gets mad here...?

[Hamel winces slightly and pulls his hand back when she starts trembling. He didn’t mean to frighten her again. He always seems to hurt or offend people, and quite often it’s exactly what he wants... but not now. It saddens him to see he’s still doing it even when he means the exact opposite.]

Because we have nothing to get mad about.

People get mad when you cry.

[Spoken as the absolute truth. Because in her world, that's the reality she grew to know, even if things are different here.]

A-and I... I killed you. S-so...

[She just doesn't understand. How can he be so calm about it...?]

Only if they're assholes. And I don't care what people do anyway, I'm not people -

[Again, harsher than he meant and really not the point. He draws a breathe, and when he speaks again his voice is much softer.]

Sorry. I'm no good at this. But you didn't kill me, it was an accident. Two days full of accidents.

[And it’s so unfair Hibiki of all people had to get caught in it.]

It wasn't you, even if you keep saying it was you until your throat dries. I’m not gonna think that.

[Another wince. She's still on edge even when he starts speaking softly, but...

Slowly, warily... she begins to relax, little by little, bit by bit.]

I-- I just...

I didn't want to hurt anyone. B-but then I h-hurt... I k-killed a friend, and--

E-everyone hurts so much already... I d-don't want to make them h-hurt more. I never--

[...wanted to hurt anyone. But all of this emotion is beginning to take its toll on her, and slowly, she begins to sink to the ground, still unable to hold back the sobbing, the tears.

It's too much. It's too painful. It feels like her heart is being torn apart.]

[Hamel, on his end, recoils when he sees her reaction. Every time he opens his mouth, he just makes things worse.

So even though Hibiki relax eventually, he still keeps his distance, eyes averted and shoulders slightly hunched. He doesn’t respond when she speaks again, instead reverting to the silence, like he always does. He shouldn’t have tried this talking thing, he should’ve just kept his mouth shut. Things don’t get better when you keep quiet but they don’t get worse, either… ignore everything long enough and eventually it will go away on its own…

Then Hibiki breaks down.

It hits too close to home. The circumstances might be very different - and thank god for that - but Hamel knows exactly how she feels. The crushing guilt, the realization you brought so much pain to people, you never wanted to but it happens and it eats you alive… he couldn’t stop crying after Anthem, too.

If only he could make it better, but he can’t. Words, honest words, don’t come easy to him. He will just end up scaring her again. Maybe he should just let her cry, let it all out; but he can’t just stand there like an idiot when she cries. It’d be best if he leaves - he’s already told her he isn’t angry and that’s enough. It will sink in once she stops crying. Yes, he should simply walk out the door without another word…

He doesn’t. Instead, he sits down on the floor next to Hibiki.]

I know.

[Hamel holds out a hand to ruffle her hair. It’s very gentle and hesitant - ready to pull back if she flinches again.]

[Maybe that's all she needed. Acceptance, followed by a comforting hand.

The sobs don't cease - not even close. But she does end up leaning onto his side, curled up and miserable, but clinging still.

Nothing about this is okay. It's wrong, it's so wrong, and it hurts, the wrongness of it, to say nothing of the physical pain it brought. But he's still here, and he's still trying to comfort her, and that soft feeling of a hand on her head...

It reminds her of warmer times, when she would make a mistake and bawl her eyes out until there were no more tears to be shed. And so, here she is, doing that very same thing, even if the mistake in question had been far worse than any she had committed at home. And until the tears run dry, or Hamel decides to leave, there she will stay.]

[It’s weird, her clinging to him. Not like in the mirror world. As rare as they may be, Hamel is definitely capable of kind physical gestures, but they’re always brief - a hair ruffle, wiping tears off. But to keep sitting there and let someone cry on his shoulder… it’s not exactly awkward, but he can’t think of a better word. He isn’t used to it.

But he doesn’t leave, he won’t shake her off when she’s so miserable. As long as Hibiki leans onto him, he will stay and give her a shoulder to cry on.]

[It takes a while - this is a girl who annoyed many people for crying so much, after all. But they do eventually slow to a trickle, and although she still shakes, it's now because of the large hiccups that were triggered by all of those tears.]

'M... S-sorry.

[She slowly lets go, her voice tired and stuffy. He... had to wait quite a while for her to stop, huh?]

[Well, he can’t say he particularly enjoyed it - again, awkward - but it’s not like she didn’t have a reason.]

It’s fine.

[He offers her a handkerchief.]

There, you sound kinda snively.

[She accepts the handkerchief, attempting to clean herself up a bit.]

Th-this is the s-- second time. Sorry you always ha-- ve to see me like this.

[And always after hurting him, too. She still feels pretty terrible about it all, but the crying seems to have helped get the bottled up feelings out, at least.]

[His lips twitch into half a smile. A little grim, but a smile nonetheless.]

What did I tell you about apologizing for every little thing? It’s fine.

But it's-- annoying. And you always put up with it.

[She's still trying to rub the last of the tears away, determined to stop. But there's not much she can do about the hiccups, unfortunately.]

...Th-thank you. [For always being so kind to her at these times...]

Stop putting yourself down. You’re not annoying.

[In fact, his tone implies that what’s annoying is Hibiki saying bad things about herself.]

But, you’re welcome.

[There's a weary nod before she takes a second look at the handkerchief.

...

It's kind of dirty now...]

Um... I'm so-- [Oops, apologies again.] --I mean, I can wash this for you.

[He raises his eyebrows at the hint of apology, and seems pleased when she cuts herself off in time. Good, progress!]

Handkerchiefs are meant to get dirty. You can keep it if you want.

IC CONTACT

day 405, action

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)